Time for a New Me

This is about to get quite ridiculous...

(Please keep in mind the amount of courage it is taking for me to blog, post and share the following info is through the roof and, while I'm quite confident in who I am, I am not happy.)

For a long while, I've been living extremely unhealthy. I am a freshman in college and this is the time everyone dreads the "Freshman 15" or a rapid weight gain. Frankly, high school has done enough damage on me already - I refuse to let myself get hit by college too.

........This is taking a ton of courage and my stomach feels like it's doing flips, but I need this. It's time for me to realize exactly what I have been doing to my body the past five years and I need to stop it now. I say that I'm going to diet "tomorrow" just about every day and that I'll start an exercise plan "tomorrow". Too bad "tomorrow" never seems to come around. I need the motivation and I need to be held accountable for myself and my health. So why not use people who read my blog?

When I started high school, I had been playing volleyball and soccer for years and had been participating in cheerleading. That kept me looking pretty fit and healthy. But after a couple of knee injuries and having to stop sports to focus on school, my health went downhill and my weight went up. My freshman year of high school, I weighed 120lbs. I was 5 foot 3 and was extremely healthy. But in the last 3.5 years, I have torn myself apart. Granted, I've gone through a lot of emotional things which have had an effect, but I have let myself go.


Here I am, 5 foot 8, size 11 jeans, scale tipping at 183lbs....and something has got to change.


So, ladies and gents, say goodbye to the unhealthy, overweight, unhappy Chelsea. She's leaving and will not be back anytime soon. I'm going to start blogging my progress and exactly how I'm doing what I'm doing to lose weight. Any tips and support ya'll can send my way would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, guys <3


P.S. If you're wondering where I got this insane amount of inspiration, check out Taralynn McNitt's journey at http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/

Things I'm Loving Right Now...

(this tattoo and the idea of infinite love)

Cuddles with my Favorite Guy <3
The "Liquid Caramel Apple" Drink
Pumpkins
The Colors of the Leaves
The Fact that Leaves are Still Falling...and Landing on Snow
Elaborate Makeup for Halloween
My Boys <3 (Bradley, Joshua and Coleby)
Smiles and Laughter
Scarves and Petticoats
Cinnamon Sugar Apples
The DELICIOUS Blueberry Pancake Cupcakes with Maple Buttercream I made
My New Red Chucks
Hairbows

...I think that's it for now.
It's Friday and this weekend is about to be CRAZY!

Happy Weekend! <3

Ten People

So..it's 11:39pm. And I'm wiiiiide awake. Movies aren't cutting it for me. I already did all of my homework for next week....blah.
Something that I am realizing though, is that part of the rest I am so restless is because I all too often bite my tongue.
(If you know me, you're probably laughing quite vigorously right now - with as much as I talk, there is a lot more that I hold in.)
I remember back in the Myspace days (R.I.P.) that one bulletin/blog chain was called "Ten People" and you would number your page one to ten, then write a paragraph/sentence/exclamation, etc. to someone without using their names. It was really interesting and is a great way to get out the "things-you-wish-you-could-have-said". So, in true nostolgic fashion, I'm bringing it back and hoping that letting some emotion out will let me sleep. Here we go!

1. I don't understand what I've done to deserve the way you treat me. I have had the wonderful grades, the awesome resume, I've accomplished above-and-beyond in almost every aspect of my life. So why the cold shoulder? Why do I not deserve the time nor the care that you put into other people? It doesn't make sense to me and, on more than one occasion, I find myself crying about it. And I don't cry.

2. You. I finally tried to "grow some lady-balls" and tell you how I feel. Unfortunately, you're not on the same page. Other girls are good enough to waste your time on, but when it comes to me, you 'value our friendship too much'. Frankly, I thought you would have changed with everything that has happened in the last few months. But, either I was incredibly wrong, or you've grown accustomed to wearing your "hardcore-handsome-player-that-doesn't-have-feelings" mask again. Take it off. Please.

3. I wish you would just give me a straight, direct answer. I don't know where to go from here with you and I'm tired of hanging in the balance.

4. From what I can tell, we can apparently act like adults around eachother. I'm glad our time apart has made us mature and now I just hope that this is the first step to rekindling what used to be an amazing companionship.

5. Sweetheart, stop wasting your time trying to find someone to sleep with and work on finding someone worth waking up to. You'll be better off in the long run.

6. As much as I act like it doesn't bother me, I really do miss you and our amazing memories. I know I messed up just as much as you did, but there are so many things I wish I could take back. You were a great friend.

7. He's using you. And the next girl. You're an absolute doll and deserve so much better. I've been in your position, but I wish you would just run. Girl-to-girl, you don't need this.

8. Please stop drinking. I've seen what it can do in the long run and you are too good of a friend to be so terrible this early. I worry about you constantly.

9. I love your heart and I am envious of your spirit. You are so constantly happy and have the most optimistic outlook. I would kill to be as wonderful a person as you are.

10. Stop trying to put me down to make yourself feel better. For so many years, you've pushed me around and then wondered why I refused to be around you for so long. I don't see the need for it, especially when we've become so close over the years. The backhanded-compliment-insults aren't appreciated and I am better than that.

...Well, that is all. I do feel a little better. Dreamland, here I come!(hopefully)

<3

Why do I love you?

"When I say 'I love you', it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And, finally, I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are one hell of a man...and that's why I love you."

<3

Hurt, Forgiveness and Happiness

I've spent my time without you learning to find myself. I've become a stronger, independant, beautiful person. But I suppose she's always been inside me. For so long, I just hid her behind your strong hands, the perfect kisses of an imperfect relationship...I needed the pain you gave me to find myself. Now that you're taking 30 steps backward, I can honestly say I forgive you...but you'll never receive my sympathy. You wanted to be trapped in your dream world and threw me under the bus in every possible way. You called me a liar, spread false rumors, broken my heart and my spirit, tore me down, even hit me. I forgive you for all that and I refuse to dwell on that. But for the past year, while you've been happy, showing off what turned out to be a perfect facade, I've been burning inside. It burned to know how happy you are when I was still broken. I spent nights crying because it just felt unfair and I didn't know why. Now, I'm happy. Happier than you ever made me or could make me. Now, you're falling apart. Your life isnt so secure and wonderful anymore. Now, it's your turn to hurt...and this time, I'm not kissing your wounds better.

Here's To Happiness!

ten things that make me TERRIBLY happy

1. Random inspirational thoughts like the one above(which I found amidst many other sayings at Graffiti Falls)
2. Chapstick. Lots and lots of chapstick.
3. Flirty texting that makes you smile without realising it.
4. Floating in an outdoor pool with the sun beaming on your face.
5. Going on long hikes or walks and turning around to look at what you accomplished.
6. Texting your friends words of encouragment just to brighten their day.
7. Courteous drivers. Just saying.
8. Curling my hair and having it come out PERFECTLY.
9. Starbucks Passion Ice Tea Lemonade.
10. Taking pictures and being able to show others how beautiful the world is to me.


<3

Stronger

Lately, I've been learning a few things...
Most importantly, I've learned that in order to receive love, one must give love.
I won't kid myself and say that I've been giving love, because I haven't. I have been shutting myself out from it longer than I can even remember. I don't remember what it's like to feel that strong sense of love and feeling of belonging. I've built up my walls so high that I can't figure out how to take them down. So trying to open up to new friendships or new relationships is becoming harder and harder for me.
I am absolutely terrified of being hurt.
Unfortunately, I've had way too many instances of people walking out of my life, stabbing me in the back or just even not being there for me when I needed someone..or anyone. So, naturally, one would want to shut themselves out like I have. I've locked myself away and have spent so much time hiding from my heart.
Tonight, I'm deciding that I am done.
Not everyone will hurt me.
Hurt and pain is a part of life, and only makes me stronger.
Shutting out the ones I love is not the way to receive the love and support I need.
I. Am. Done.