Lesson Learned

This past month has been completely rough for me.
Everything that I've wanted to go right has switched around into something terrible.
The more I think about it, the more I feel like God gave me this month just to push me.


I've done a lot more reading of my Bible lately, especially the scenes leading up to Jesus' crucifixion. I feel like I can relate a lot more, of course in a more tame way, but the same feelings.
In the last 40 days, I have...
-felt true betrayal
-been judged
-been hurt
-tried to do good and it was turned on me
-felt sacrifice
-turned the other cheek to those who have treated me badly
etc,etc.

....Finally, I'm starting to understand his journey.
And frankly, I've been falling so far away from God lately.
I've felt like "well, he hasn't made this happen or stopped this from happening so...he must not be hearing me, understanding me, or maybe he has just given up on me."
But Easter is about forgiveness, redemption, His rising from the dead for MY sins.
That kind of love is so great, it's just indescribable.
He's been my entire reason to keep pushing on, to see the beauty in the blossoming tulips and lilies, to feel the crisp spring breeze on my skin...
..To be strong enough to not lash out, not post nasty things on Facebook because I've been betrayed, to not point out others mistakes/flaws...
..To learn to respect myself, to feel beautiful without any kind of trade-offs, to appreciate everything and everyone in my life..

Dear God,
I finally understand...




Thank you.



Happy Easter, everyone...hope it's a blessed one <3